Word of the year 2018 || Peace
Before I jump into my word for 2018, lets take a moment to reflect on my word for 2017. I chose balance, and boy did I ever need it. Funny thing is I published this post not knowing we were pregnant but we found out 7 days later. Balance was forced on me for sure, papers sat in piles never to be graded while I slept. We ordered food occasionally more so we could spend more time bonding just the two of us before Theo came, and bonding with our sweet little Theo.
Now on to 2018's word - Peace. I was sitting on the couch snuggling with Theo and the news was on, and my word struck me. Story after story of deaths, terrorism, mobilizing police in preparation for New Year's Eve celebrations flashed across our screen, I looked at Paul and said "This makes me sad." That is the simple truth, on a global level our world is in desperate need of peace, and I fear the world all the sweet little babies have to grow up in. In our own home as well I seek peace. I haven't shared our breastfeeding issues on the blog, but simply put little guy won't latch. When I can get him to he pulls off and screams, and screams. We were making some progress with a lactation consultant but he isn't transferring enough milk and I am struggling with low milk supply since I am pumping. Trying to find peace in the fact that I am not feeding my baby that way I wanted to is hard, and I still haven't come to terms with it. I feel like everyone in the world judges you, and I feel the need to explain our situation to every person. But why should I have to? I know we are doing the best we can and I am making decision that are best for Theo and I. We haven't given up yet, he gets his lip tie cut at his 2 month appointment and we will go from there and determine our feeding future. I'm getting emotional writing this, it has been hard to deal with and I am seeking peace with what comes.
I also seek to find peace in what come work wise. I am currently in a place that makes me dread going to back to work, I don't want to leave Theo. I love my coworkers, and the kids are great. I get updates about which ones are in jail, arrested, and killed on a regular basis - please pray with me that these kids find peace in their lives. That they stop revenge killing and their communities can find healing and peace . I am still unsure of what the future brings for me work wise. I know I teach where I am needed most, but is there enough of me emotionally and physically to be a great mom, wife, and teacher? I still don't know, but I hope to find peace in whatever decision we make. I hope Theo grows up feeling peace in our home. Even when he is screaming and our dinner is burning, may he always feel peace. And may he poop in peace in 2018, and not struggle with too much gas 😜.
If you choose a word of the year please share! Happy New Year!